John Key, Mastermind Contestant

The New Zealand TV quiz show Mastermind has been resurrected after an absence of 22 years, sadly its original host Peter Sinclair is no longer with us but MP Dr Lockwood Smith agreed to step into the role (Smith has some experience as a television quiz host).

Smith: "Good evening and welcome again to New Zealand Mastermind. Our first contestant is John Key, John's background is in currency trading but his current job is Prime Minister. His specialist area is New Zealand Governance and he has one minute to answer as many questions as he can, starting now!"

"What direct relationship does currency trading have to the governance of a country?"

Key: "I guess both involve making seat of the pants decisions and back room deals involving large sums of money..."

Smith: "No, there is no direct relationship, governing a democratic country such as New Zealand  involves using consultation and professional advice."

"When were you first told about the involvement of the GSCB in spying on the New Zealand resident Kim Dotcom?"

Key: "Dunno, don't remember...pass."

Smith: "What illegal activity was MP John Banks guilty of in relationship to the Auckland local body elections"

Key: "I haven't read the police report, dunno...pass."

Smith: "What evidence was used to base the Government's $12 billion investment in new motorways?"

Key: (Muttering quietly) "Hmm, that's Brownlee's area and he doesn't research dunno, pass."

Smith: "How do the National Standards in Education lift the achievement of the bottom 20% of learners?"

Key: "We can identify who they are."

Smith: "No, that could already be done using existing and more accurate norm-referenced assessments. The correct answer is, they don't."

"Did the National Party's policy of state asset sales achieve a voter mandate in the 2011 elections?"

Key: "Yes!"

Smith: "No, the National Party only received 47% of the vote."

"Which type of fraud costs the country the most, tax evasion or benefit fraud?"

Key: "Benefit fraud, too many beneficiaries are living the high life on the money provided by hardworking taxpayers like you and I, it must be costing us millions."

Smith: "No, the answer is tax evasion which costs New Zealand up to $6 billion while welfare fraud cost us $39 million."

"How much did the Government spend on a fleet of new BMWs?"

Key: "I don't recall seeing anything about that, a lot of paper passes across my desk and it would have been some time ago...pass."

Smith: "$6.8 million, and you also asked for heated seats."

"What special efforts have been made by this Government to ensure the privacy of New Zealanders' personal details held by Government agencies?"

Key: (under his breath) "Hmm, Paula and Judith did say they were going to do, new regulations?"

Smith: "No, the answer is none."

"What was the cause of New Zealand's $11.5 billion leaky building crisis?"

Key: "The Labour Government?"

Smith: "No, the 1991 Building Act introduced by the National Government of the time."

(A buzzer sounds, indicating one minute has passed.)

"John Key, your time is up and, out of the ten questions asked, you passed on four and gave wrong answers to six. You have a final score of zero."


dv said…
It is too easy isnt it.

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